oops.

'Oops' is what I think when I realize that after committing to myself that I would document my journey here in Israel, I haven't actually documented much of anything in over a month. And I was really on a roll before. Damn. 

In my defense and since no one asked, I have to say that my hiatus from online documentation stems largely from lockdown. Last month Israel went into a 3-week lockdown where every non-essential business was closed, and as I'm sure everyone is intimately familiar with, being in lockdown is really fucking hard. Like super hard. Like harder than you'd ever think considering all anyone's asking is that you sit at home and go about your business from the comfort of your favorite sweatpants. 

And yet, there's something about going on the same walk to the same park every day and having no external motivation to get out of bed other than to go on said walk that messes with one's sanity and overall mental wellbeing. I naively assumed I would be immune to the stressors of lockdown given that I live with 5 other girls who I somehow never get sick of, but alas, even that didn't solve all of my problems. I was pretty bummed a lot of the time and bored with the fact that each day wasn't all that different from the day before. So I stopped writing. I felt like I had nothing to say. But now that lockdown is over and I'm getting back into the swing of actually leaving the house, my inspiration is back! I want to write about my covid-friendly adventures but am also looking to document my growth here as a person. 

Maybe it's because I recently graduated from college, or perhaps because I moved halfway around the world in an international pandemic, or maybe even some combination of the two, but in the 3 months I've lived here, I've already seen so much personal growth in myself. I've realized that as someone with a few controlling tendencies I really struggle with the feeling of being in limbo. I get antsy when I feel as though I'm not moving forward or backward in my life, but stuck somewhere in the middle, a feeling that's an inevitable byproduct of a nation-wide lockdown. But the truth is that there's nothing wrong with being in limbo. In fact, one could argue that being in limbo is where the best memories are made because you're not concerned with the pressures of progress; you have the opportunity to simply enjoy where you are. Maybe I just need to get comfortable here, which is really something I'm working on. 

While I say that I haven't done much of anything over the past month or so that I've been offline, now that I look back I've actually done some pretty awesome things and am proud that my roomies and I really made the most of our limited ability to do stuff. I had a chance to take selfies with goats, ostriches, and buffaloes, volunteer on a farm, package PPE kits for frontline health workers, and make some extra special memories with my Israeli mishpacha. But these are stories for another post :) Let's get things rolling again!

xx, lindz